Surviving adolescence

Remember it?

• a period of physical growth, self-consciousness and mood swings
  
• pushing at the barriers put up by adults
  
• a growing independence and a search for identity
  
• becoming a person, not just a son or daughter
  
• a time for rituals, cults, style, fashion and rites of passage
  
• behaving badly, taking risks, and being exploited.
  
• the best of times and the worst of times
  

Some things to consider:

Practise what you preach:you won’t encourage your children to eat fruit and vegetables if you don’t, or not to smoke if you do.

Set ground rules: sometimes you have to get your way. You’ll have to have good reason and know what you’ll do if you’re ignored. Make sure they know the consequences if you’re ignored. If you have a partner it's important to agree a common and consistent approach. It's no good setting rules if they’re not consistent or achievable. Ask them what they think's reasonable.

Keep informed:ask your children about their views on drugs, the risks, and how to minimise them. Talk about their patterns of activity and their meeting places. You’ll know what they enjoy, and why bus shelters and park benches are so attractive to young people with few places to meet and be themselves. Also they are more likely to tell you if things go wrong. Keep talking, not telling, and find time together.

Know their friends:most young people in groups have a code of mutual help. Check it out. Talk to your teenager about their friends and their friends’ parents. You will be able to check on whether they really are staying over if you have their parents’ telephone number. Usually in a group there's someone who's more mature, more reliable, and better in a crisis (and vice-versa). Know them. Accept that peer influence is very strong. Your children will be influenced by charismatic friends.

Reduce risk:you can’t stop them from going out and being daft. You can make sure you know how and when they’re getting home. You can contact each other easily through texting. You can show them you’d rather be called out at a ridiculous hour than leave them in a vulnerable situation.

Stay calm:sometimes it all goes pear-shaped. They’ve completely disappeared for twelve hours. They arrive home the worse for drink. Your neighbour complains about their behaviour. The community PC arrives on your doorstep to inform you of their street drinking. Take a deep breath and think it through. Agree with your partner if you can on what line you'll take. Wait until everyone’s sober. Sit them down and ask for their side of the story. Explain why you’re concerned and why you have to be a tough parent even if everyone else’s parents are like putty.
Try to make it a win-win situation.

(See I'm OK, you're OK)


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